A Psalm On Mental Health

From the countless trips up this great mountain we call Spirituality, I share snippets and moments that brought a great deal of meaning to me. This is a sober attempt at resurrecting the faith and hope, strength and willingness, encouragement and grace to any one who finds themselves in the ‘lost and found’ office of life, having misplaced one, if not all of the above.

Similar to before, The Watchman and I reached the top of the mountain, there was no dinner nor singing of hymns. This time, I was the one who headed straight to the peak and turned around facing His direction,

“Today I am not brave, while you remain the Great I Am, so please hear my words."

And so it went;

“The journey of Spirit has been hard but great, like your love. Intense but filled with grace, like your heart. You have taught me that words are not the best way to communicate with you, but today words are all I have, so please bear with me.

Jeso yo bonolo, tsela e boima ye ke e tsamayang, Modimo wa bophelo, ke tshepile wena.

I kneel before you, with a heart that is tired and worn, heavy with grief from my past, especially from the opportunities and loved ones lost. My mind is clouded with confusion at times, anxious thoughts that persistently suppress my optimism. Each time there is a ray of hope in my life, both mind and heart are being tormented with fear, I try my best to stay strong and positive, however, in the end? When all hope and light fades away? I am left with the same heavy heart and troubled mind, that find rest in the shame, living proof that the holy scriptures are correct about me when they say ‘You of little faith’.

Dillo tsa mahlomola-pelo, meokgo e keleketlang, Modimo o di ela hloko, o bala phophi tse rothang.

In the same way your grace is abundant and hard to miss oh Lord, the traumas we contend with have left a mark, deep scars. There are so many issues we have to contend with in our daily lives, from childhood even now as adults. We are contending with the plight of anxiety, a stagnating fear of failure and an overwhelming realisation of a lack of faith. Many are days whereby we feel like giving in to the intrusive thought that maybe staying alive is the problem. Re imetswe. Tota sefela se bolela nnete ha se re thoro tsa keledi tsaka tse bakilweng ke batho le mathata a bophelo, boimeng, matlho a phela a tletse dikeledi tse elang tsatsi ka letsatsi, ha se meokgo ke pula, pula e theohang fahlehong ’saka. How much longer dear Father, how much further. 

Re rata ha re ka bona, Jeso letsatsi la rona. Ka di nako tsohle, Morena, o ‘nkgopole’.

Please teach me to be patient with myself and others my Lord. May you renew my mind and spirit, so that I can explore the courage to face my fears and doubts, especially my traumas from the past. Please bless me with the strength to keep going, to keep striving for health and healing. In light of your mercy, let me not lose sight of your promises to never forsake nor leave me, even when this life seems overwhelming. May I find comfort in the old testament whenever I would like to remember who you are, may I hold dearly to the new testament when I desire to understand your love. Finally, please guide me to walk gently in the light of your truth so that I may also learn to walk in mine. On the days where my faith is not reliable, may I remember to atleast guard my heart, because everything flows from it.

Betang di pelo tsa lona, le mo siele sebaka, o tseba ho fetola tsohle le llang ka tsona. ”

~This is just a leaf from my tree, a snippet of what prayer feels like from within.